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The challenge lies in a child's difficulty distinguishing between positive and harmful friendships. Even older children who can recognise detrimental relationships might hesitate to end them, driven by a desire for companionship and a sense of belonging, despite the negative impact.
Detecting a harmful friendship in a child's life involves observing several key signs:
A dramatic shift in a child’s behaviour or demeanour can signal a negative influence. Such changes may include increased aggression, bullying, mood swings, a sharp decline in academic performance, disrespect towards authority figures (such as parents, relatives, and teachers), or adopting unusual behaviours to gain the approval of their problematic friend.
Peer pressure is a natural part of development, but it becomes concerning when it drives a child to engage in behaviours that conflict with their religion, values, upbringing, or societal norms. This may involve lying, stealing, using inappropriate language, rebelling against home and school rules, or leading children into risky behaviours like smoking, violence, or vandalism.
An excessive fixation on a particular friend, characterised by prioritising their needs over one’s own, can indicate a harmful relationship. If a child is excessively dependent on a friend for emotional support, goes to great lengths to please them, and centres their life around this friend to the detriment of their own freedom and identity, it may reflect a detrimental influence impacting their social and emotional development.
A damaging friendship can erode a child's self-esteem, fostering feelings of inadequacy. The child might exhibit persistent self-doubt or dissatisfaction, feeling unworthy of affection and support. This may arise from adopting negative behaviours or being confused about their values, which can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth.
A child who consistently isolates themselves from family and old friends to spend time with a problematic friend might be under undue influence. This behaviour often suggests that the negative friend exerts significant control, leading the child to believe they are the only one who understands and supports them, thereby causing a notable detachment from their broader social circle.
Parents must be vigilant about their children's friendships. If they suspect a negative influence, they should use thoughtful strategies to maintain a strong relationship and provide support, without making the child feel overly monitored or restricted.
Directly instructing a child to end a friendship often backfires. Instead, parents should engage in open dialogue, asking about the child's feelings and discussing what constitutes a healthy friendship. This approach helps children identify positive and negative influences and allows parents to understand their perspective.
Understanding why a child is drawn to a harmful friendship is crucial. Parents should explore whether the child seeks acceptance, fears loneliness, or is intrigued by the friend’s behaviour. This can be achieved by asking open-ended questions, listening attentively, and creating a supportive environment where the child feels comfortable sharing challenges.
Once the presence of a negative influence is confirmed, guiding the child in creating distance from that friend becomes important. It is essential to highlight that continued contact might lead to harmful behaviour, while a true friend promotes and supports positive actions. Such understanding aids the child in making more informed decisions.
Parents can provide patient support to their children as they navigate negative friendships. Engaging in discussions about the friend's behaviour and its consequences can aid the child in processing their feelings and addressing any fears. This support helps children understand the situation better and makes the process of distancing from harmful friendships smoother.
Simultaneously, children should be encouraged to build new relationships, strengthen their values, and develop social skills. Engaging in new activities, such as joining clubs, attending workshops, or exploring hobbies, provides opportunities to meet new friends and facilitates moving away from negative influences.
It is worth noting that the impact of a harmful friend can vary. If the friend poses a serious threat to the child’s safety, immediate intervention is necessary. This involves removing the child from the situation, discussing the severity of the threat, closely monitoring behaviour, and seeking professional advice if the situation becomes too challenging.
References
[1] psychologytoday.com, 10 Signs a Child Is in a Toxic Friendship & How You Can Help
[2] childpsych.co.za, Signs of an Unhealthy Friendship in Kids: A Guide for Parents
[3] standardmedia.co.ke, Six signs your child is in the wrong friendship group
[4] kaleido.ca, Is Your Child’s Friend A Bad Influence?
[5] allprodad.com, 5 Signs Your Child’s Friends Are the Worst
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